Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
