i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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