were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
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And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
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i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
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Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out