uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
