i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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