Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am