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So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.