I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
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I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??