The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?