cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
