dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
