I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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