i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
