Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
