sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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