smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
