I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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