Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize