he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
there is glitter all over my balls
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