Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just had sex bonerless
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
