sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
