Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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