I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
