I'm really into asian looking animals
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
