I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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