Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
