then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
