i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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