just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
