it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
