I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
