come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
