She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
