Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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