Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize