Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
