I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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