I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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