What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
