We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
