that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
