Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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