walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
