My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Randomize
