Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
