just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
