she looked like the bat from fern gully.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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