AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Someone came in the potted fern
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
