I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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