dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
