so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
