Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
