Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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