I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
