I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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