i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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