Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
