Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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