True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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