I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
