Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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