I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
They took my balls.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
