also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
