If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
