Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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