If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
3 2 1 whiskey
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
