if you like me you must not know who I am
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize