He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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