2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
