P.S. I can't hear my feet
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We left the knife in your bed.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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