I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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