The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
