I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you win again, gameday.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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