someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
