Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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