i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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