i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
