That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
