I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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