I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
