So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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