I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
