So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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