this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
