broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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