I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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