would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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