I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
