With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
