I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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