in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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