what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
